Injur-really Sad

It was an emotional Tough Enough this week with injuries galore. I’ve often claimed my role as person most willing to rub better the ailments of some of the Superstars and it’s a shame I didn’t make myself known during this week’s edition of Tough Enough.

Anyway, it started as usual with the people who were saved from elimination returning home. Only, this time, it was just AJ. This fact thrills Christina who looks like she’s won the lottery or something. She shoots to the camera about being the only girl left and that was her main aim. That mentality is worrying because she should’ve been supporting her fellow-Divas. But, she’s worked hard to gain her place in the competition. What’s that..? She’s related to who?! Ohhhhh.

Trish decided that Christina needs some yoghurt. I agree, girl is too skinny. Wait, no, Yoga. My bad. Trish says that Yoga helped her when she had a herniated disc. As a guy who never exercises, I never see the calming appeal of contorting your body. Christina gets emotional during the downward facing dog, a move I think Yoga stole from the homos. Christina moans to Trish about having to be tough all the time. Ermmm it’s call Tough Enough, stupid.

Training time, and the gang are given the theme of the week which is creativity. It’s an interesting topic because it’s not something people really think of when they think of the Superstars. We think of WWE Creative sure but we don’t realise the effort they go to, to put the flair into their performance. What is clear, however, is that very few of the contestants are creative. I’d say Luke was most creative because he’s pretended not to be gay for so long. Ohhh woopsie.

The big task for the day was to show more creativity in their moves. After failing miserably at jazzing up a fireman’s lift, the trainers decide they want to try and get creative when it comes to throwing someone out of the ring. This goes exactly like you’d think. Everyone tries their best to make it seem creative but we end up with a clusterfuck which results in Andy getting over excited.

Andy is the most intriguing guy in the competition because he’s like a stepford Superstar. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t smile… he just gets angry and glum. He gets wayyyyy into the contest and, after punching Luke squarely in the nose, he throws him over the ropes which such force Luke nearly ends up on his head. Luckily for Luke, he has enough grease in his air to avoid head injury and he just slid right onto his back.

After Bill declares the day to be a bust, Andy has a phone call with his family. An emotional, intimate and deeply private phone call… is what it should’ve been. Instead it was an awkward “this is on camera, right?” chat. Basically, it was filler.

Every week a hard working Superstar turns up to fill the gang with knowledge and inspiration. They show the upmost in professionalism and shine as mentors. This week, it’s the turn of the Divas. But wait, instead of being treated like equals they instead turn up with champagne in short dresses to take everyone out to party. A glaring statement on the state of the division if there ever was one.

Predictably, the boys act as if though they’ve never been around girls before and the Bellas revel in seeing some hot booty. I wish we got to see some. We did get to see the guys in towels though which was just as nice I guess.

After suiting up, literally, the gang head out to a restaurant where the Divas surprise everyone by being the most inspirational guests of the entire season. They sit and listen to the gang and give fantastic advice. The sound you hear is my jaw hitting the floor. It was nice to see but then things took a turn for the stupid when the Bellas, upon request, slapped Jeremiah and Luke repeatedly in the face. The two laugh moronically like Bevis and Butthead.

The next day, the gang head to THQ HQ where WWE decided it was a perfect opportunity to plug the new WWE video game. It does look fun. The contestants are tasked with creating their own characters. It’s a pretty hilarious segment as they go head-to-head. Luke’s character, which looks remarkably like him, is declared the best by the THQ boss person. Luke’s head swells like the thighs on his character.

After playing games, the contestants head to a late night training session. There they run through drills and try to add their new-found creativity. It actually works well with everyone taking on a character. Except AJ who is the Toby Flenderson of Tough Enough (for those who don’t get the reference, I urge you to check out The Office US). AJ makes a few mistakes and is told to go sit outside.

Bill then decides they should start again with a new sequence of body slamming and pinning. Things get started but, as he’s exiting the ring, Martin goes down. It’s hard to make this seem funny so I’m not going to try. Martin’s ankle popped and he’s clearly in pain and begs to get back in the ring. The medic eventually convinces him to go get an X Ray and a tearful Martin exits.

The next day, Martin returns to reveal that he has a fractured ankle. It’s actually heartbreaking and I cried. I say that I cried, I’m an ice queen so I hired somebody to cry for me. Stone Cold took Martin into his office where he said that this stuff happens and he shouldn’t give up. He then says that, usually, he takes people’s belts from them but he will allow Martin to hang his own belt up. It’s a beautiful moment.

But, life goes on and the gang go back to training. They’re told that they must perform one move off the top rope. After last week’s elbow-drop debacle I was concerned but then I realised Eric wasn’t around anymore so I relaxed a little. First up was Christina and AJ and the two have at it. AJ aka Toby is boring as always and Christina takes charge. She heads to the top rope to perform what looked like it was going to be a cross body. Only problem is, AJ got too close so it had to turn into an Axe Handle. Christina fell funny on her foot and went down, hurting her ankle.

Again, this isn’t funny and nobody can see this and smile. Not even Luke who looks concerned despite making several remarks to camera about injuries being great for getting rid of the competition. I don’t like Luke anymore. He’s an asshole. A sexy, homolicious asshole. I am also now prepared for the google hits to this blog being ‘luke tough enough sexy asshole’. You’re pervs.

Christina is shipped off to the hospital and Stone Cold cancels training. Everyone is pissed at AJ but will Christina recover?

Next week we find out but I can reveal she does. During the promo for the next episode, her hair is visible.

I hope I’m wrong!


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